Haunted
by the real narnia
Summary: One-Shot. Something's wrong with Ed, and he needs to tell someone. The only person available seems to be Mustang. 2003, post CoS. Implied Roy/Ed, if you squint really hard. Cover image belongs to Obersten, who's AU inspired this fic.


**Yay! First one shot, and first FMA fic! Inspired by Obersten's Overexposure AU. Check out his tumblr - it's awesome. I don't own FMA. Please review! :)**

* * *

 **Haunted**

"I don't know what's real or not anymore."

Mustang sat up, and looked over at Ed. As a celebration for his and Al's safe return from the other side, they've taken everyone out for drinks – a few years had passed, and even if he wasn't _physically_ twenty one, Al was still legal by Amestrian law, because of his birth records.

Not that he drunk anything anyways.

Everyone else in the office had left early, with Falman driving a drunk Havoc and a tipsy Breda home, and Risa taking Al and Fuery home, making some sort of excuse other than what was clearly going through her mind – 'You're younger than the rest of us; get to bed.'

She would never say it aloud, and Roy didn't believe for a second that she'd admit the other reason why they left the two of them behind.

She wanted to give them some privacy.

And now it was just Roy Mustang and Edward Elric – not the Flame and the Fullmetal Alchemist, and not a Brigadier General and a Lieutenant Colonel (the news of his automatic promotion reached their ears within minutes of arriving home).

No, now they were just two friends going out for a drink.

So as Roy Mustang looked over at his friend, at the exact same spot that Maes Hughes, his best friend, had told him about Scar all those years ago (had it really been almost seven years…?), and tried to comprehend his words.

Tried and failed.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said, I don't know what's real or not."

"Look, Ed, I know that you've-"

"Just shut up, Mustang!" Ed's hand slammed the bar, and the metal of his automail clanged off the hard wood. His eyes, lit far more alight than any spark Roy could make, pinned him in his seat. "Just shut up, and listen. You don't think I _know_ what you're going to say? Do you really think I want to be telling _you_ this, of all people?"

Neither of them responded to that question, but surprisingly enough, Roy sensed that the answer was yes; Ed _did_ want to talk about it with Roy.

"Alright," he said, sitting back and tapping the bar. The bartender came over and poured some more whiskey into his empty glass. "Ed. Tell me what's bothering you."

A look passed on his face, so quickly that Roy couldn't catch it if he tried, but the fact that Roy had used Ed's name instead of _Fullmetal_ let him know that Roy was taking him seriously.

Ed nodded and downed some of the alcohol in front of him. "Alright," he said, taking a deep breath. "You know how I can transmute without a circle?"

Normally Roy would say something about how everyone knows that, and then he'd thrown in a short joke if he could. But this time he just nodded.

"Well, I'm not the only one."

"Yeah, Al can transmute without a circle, too…"

Ed shook his head. "Not him. Did we ever tell you about our teacher?"

They both knew the answer, but Roy answered anyway. "Sure. A bit. Something about leaving you and Al on a deserted island for about a month."

Ed nodded. "Well, she also knew how to transmute without a circle."

Roy gaped at him. "She taught you how?"

"No," Ed whispered. "The only way that you can transmute without a circle-" His eyes darted up to Mustang's, and pinned him in place, "Is if you commit Human Transmutation."

"What?" He barely even breathed the word, it was so quiet, but Ed answered anyway. "She had lost her baby before it was even born, and, in a desperate attempt, she tried to bring it back to life. As a result, she was passed through the gate, which took her organs as payment for the knowledge it filled her head with."

"Knowledge like how to transmute without a circle."

Ed nodded. "My payment was my leg, and later, my arm."

Roy frowned. "What do you mean, later?"

Ed toyed with his drink. "How many times do you think I went through the gate, Roy?"

Roy's eyes widened. Ed never called him 'Roy'. It took him a moment to respond. "Uh…four times?"

"Close," Ed said, trying to smile. It came out as a pained grimace. "I went through the gate when I tried to bring my mother back, and along the way, my leg was torn off."

"Torn off?"

He nodded. "By these small…black hand…like tendrils, made of shadow. They reached out and dragged me through."

Roy took another drink from his whiskey, and tapped the table again for a refill. _Small black hands…tendrils of shadows…reaching out of a doorway to drag you through it. That'd scare anyone, never mind an eleven year old child._

"When I finished passing through, I ended up back here. Al was gone completely; only his clothes remained. And in the middle of the room, there was…a mess. It was a mess – and it was breathing. We'd paid the price, and we didn't even get our mother back." Ed's hand right hand curled into a fist, and the metal squeaked and groaned as the joints moved. He'd have to oil it later; he should probably call Winry, too. "So, in order to get Al's soul back, I went through the gate again – this time my payment was my arm, and I received Al's soul in return."

He paused and Roy didn't say anything, waiting for Ed to continue.

"The next time I passed through the gate was the last night I was here. It wasn't too long after we said goodbye."

Roy remembered that. In that moment, it seemed like everything made sense. Everything Ed had ever done suddenly all came together, and Roy felt scared. Because he was almost positive that they'd never get something like that - a moment of pure understanding between them – again.

But here they were, sitting in a bar.

It almost didn't feel real to him.

"I arrived at a place where this alchemist was attempting something. In order to get rid of me, she summoned the gate, and I was dragged through to the other side."

"And that's how you got stuck?"

"No." Ed shook his head. "I wish…I ended up inside of the body of the alternate version of me." A ghost of a smile passed across his face. "I was tall, you know. On the other side."

"Okay, now I know you're just messing with me."

"No," Ed said, and he grew sad again. "My body was whole on the other side. We've always…we've always known that the automail could've stunted my growth – that that might have been a possibility – but I didn't realize how much it was stunted until I was there. I was taller than you, you know."

"So…because of the automail…"

Ed nodded. "It wasn't so much the leg – that could easily been made adjustable. But the port in my shoulder – it weighed down my arm, and my chest so much, it stunted my growth. Since I went through the surgery at eleven."

A few moments of silence passed before Ed continued. "So I was desperate to get back. Because Al was in the clutches of an insane alchemist, and I was stuck inside some other world where alchemy doesn't work and Amestris doesn't exist. And…I did. I got back."

"How?" Roy asked.

"The vessel. The body of the other me. He died, and, in doing so, opened the gate, where I crossed back into this world."

"And then what happened?" Roy asked gently.

Ed was quiet, and his eyes looked up in the mirror across from them, before darting back down when he realized that no one else was looking at him. "I…I died."

Roy went still. "What?"

"I died, Roy. Envy killed me." Ed's hand subconsciously went up to clutch his chest. "I still have a scar."

"So what happened?" Roy asked.

Ed closed his eyes. "Human transmutation. It worked."

"What?"

"Human transmutation," he whispered. "Al used a philosopher's stone, and he brought me back to life."

"But…but human transmutation…"

" _Is_ possible. It is, Roy. But only in some cases. You need three things to actually make it work."

"And what's that?"

"The original body," Ed said quietly. "Still warm. The soul – or you need to do it fast enough that the soul is still lingering."

"And the last one?" Roy whispered.

"A philosopher's stone. A _real_ one."

"And how did you manage to get ahold of a philosopher's stone?" Roy asked.

Ed took another chug of his alcohol. "Ask Al. I don't like talking about it."

"But Al doesn't remember…"

"Yeah he does, he regained his memories when we passed back to the other world. Anyway, I woke up. Alive. With both of my limbs, too. But Al was gone. So I decided…that I would exchange myself for him. So, once again, I performed human transmutation. I passed through the gate, and Al was returned to this world. But, to my surprise, I was shot back through the other doors, and I ended up in London again. Unfortunately, I lost my arm and leg (they weren't _torn_ off, from last time, but they weren't there either), so I had to build this superficial automail – never mind, I'll tell you about that sometimes later. So for another…what two or three years…I traveled with some scientists, and ended up passing through the gate again, back to this side. Then, in order to seal the gate, Al and I went back to the other world, where we successfully sealed it. Then, we managed to climb back here after a few more years…don't worry, you don't need to worry about armies coming, or anything. There's a trick behind it – I'll tell you the reasoning some other time."

"So…that's the amount of times you've passed through the gate?" Roy asked.

Ed nodded, before flicked his fingers as he listed them one by one. "1. The time we tried to resurrect Mom. 2. When I got Al's soul. 3. When I was sent to the other side. 4. When that vessel died and I was sent back over here. 5. When I performed human transmutation and crossed back over to the other side. 6. When I followed the army back here to Amestris. 7. When I crossed back over to the other side to close the gate. And 8. When I crossed back through the gate a final time, back to Amestris."

"So you passed through it eight times?" Roy whispered.

Ed nodded.

"And Al?"

"Al's only crossed three times, though if you wanted to, you could probably count the time when his soul returned to the gate before I performed human transmutation on him again as a fourth time. But Al…Al's fine."

"And you?"

"Me? I'm…not. I'm not fine, Mustang."

Roy was silent as he waited for Ed to continue.

"Truth is, I don't know if it's because I've seen the gate so many times, or because I died. Hell, it could be a combination of the two. But what I do know…it isn't getting any better, Mustang."

A shiver raced down Roy's back as Ed said his next words. "It's getting worse. It's getting…so much worse. It's…" A tear slipped out of Ed's eye, but he didn't seem to notice. "It's bad. It's…"

By the second, Roy was getting more and more scared. For hell's sake, this was _Ed. Fullmetal._ Fulllmetal doesn't cry. He might be a kid, and he might be short, but he's strong.

What could have done this to him?

"Does…does Al know?" Roy asked, not knowing what possessed him, just wanting to get Ed's mind off whatever was troubling him.

"No," Ed said curtly. "And he's not gonna. He's _never_ gonna. Got it? He can't know. He can't _ever_ know."

"Why not?" Roy asked.

"Because I don't know what lengths he'll go to to make me better," Ed admitted. "And I'm done. Al's gotten his body back, and we're home. I'm satisfied – I don't need my other limbs. I don't need him to sacrifice anything more, and I _won't_ let him do it."

Roy nodded. "Alright. This stays between you and me. Are you going to explain how…"

"Hold your horses, Mustang, I'll get to it," Ed said, sounding like himself, if only for a few seconds. "I've seen the gate eight times. And I've died. So obviously, there's going to be some side effects."

"Like what?" Roy asked.

Ed took another drink. Roy subconsciously copied Ed's action and went to drink, but found it empty. He tapped the bar counter again. "Like hallucinations. Mostly. It's mostly hallucinations."

"Like what?" Roy repeated.

Ed turned to look at Roy, and froze at what he saw there.

"Ed? Ed, what is it?" Roy asked.

He seemed to snap out of it. "Nothing, just…"

"What?"

"The most common thing I see is red eyes. Glowing in the dark. For a second, your eyepatch…seemed like it was sporting a red center. It's nothing. It's gone now."

Roy didn't believe him for a second, but he could already tell that this conversation was over. "Anything else?"

"People." The next answer came so fast and so quietly, Roy wasn't ready for it.

"People?"

Ed nodded. "I'll see people. And sometimes…I don't know if they're real or not. I'll see people, alive or dead, and I don't know…I don't know if it's real. I don't know if _this_ is real. I might be dreaming, or be on the other side of the gate. Hell, I might even be dead!" He gave a harsh laugh at that, and seemed almost manic.

Roy let him calm down before continuing. "You see people?"

Ed nodded. "It's usually easy to tell if they're dead or not."

"What do you mean?" Roy asked.

"Well, for example, I hallucinated you once. But I knew it wasn't real. I just… _knew_. There's something about the ones who are alive who just seem like hallucinations, and something about the dead ones that seem…real." His eyes darted up again, and he stared in the mirror across the bar. "It seems like they're really there. Who knows, maybe….maybe they are. Maybe they've always been there, I just couldn't see them."

"What else?" Roy asked. "What other…effects?"

"Mostly migraines. And…I can just… _look_ at something and know everything about it – everything needed for alchemy. It's chemical composition, down to the last molecule. And…"

"And what?"

Ed hesitated, before repeating his earlier question. "You know how I don't need to use a transmutation circle to do alchemy?"

Roy nodded, once again.

"Now I don't even need to clap my hands."

Roy froze. "What?"

"I can do it," Ed whispered. "Without even thinking about it."

"Is that…but I haven't seen you do any alchemy since you arrived…" The sentence started as a question, but Roy shifted it to a statement halfway through.

"Yeah," Ed said. "Because with all the hallucinations – with as bad as it's getting – it…it always gets _worse_ every time I use alchemy. And it's not like it just gets worse when I'm _doing_ the alchemy…it's like a bucket of water, and every time I use alchemy the water rises, and it won't be long, it won't be long _at all_ , until the water is spilling over the brim."

"Ed…"

"Don't say anything," Ed said abruptly, standing up and throwing money on the counter. Roy's mouth opened in protest – he wasn't ready to let Ed walk away yet, this conversation _wasn't finished_ yet – but the look in Ed's eyes stopped him. "Thanks for listening."

Roy's mouth opened and closed, before he said. "Anytime, Ed. Anytime you need to talk…"

Ed smiled sadly, but it was his eyes that drew Roy's attention. The fire that burned so brightly, even earlier that very night when Ed had told him to shut up, had dulled down to a small flame. "Yeah. The only problem, Roy, is that I still don't know if this is real or not." He raised his eyes to the mirror and Roy followed his gaze, staring at their reflection.

On the left side of the mirror, a man with dark hair and dark eyes sat, drinking. He wore a military uniform, showing that he came to the bar straight from work, with stars adorned on his shoulders to read his rank as a Brigadier General. One of his eyes was covered by a large eyepatch, and the eye that could be seen looked sick, as if it had just seen a ghost, or if the world had been scrubbed clean and he saw all the other dirt hiding underneath.

On his right stood a young man with hair that blazed gold in the dim lighting, tied back into a ponytail. It was obvious from his state of dress that two of his limbs were fake – an arm and a leg. However, it was the eyes that caught the attention of any stray glances. Eyes that seemed like they should burn brighter than fire seemed dull – empty, lifeless.

He seemed like a ghost. Not that he had _seen_ a ghost, which is what Roy looked like, but rather that he had _become_ a ghost.

What was left was just a hollow shell of who he used to be.

And Roy watched as Ed met the gaze of someone he couldn't see in the mirror, and he saw the fire in Ed's eyes burn out. "And you," Ed said to the invisible figure. "I _know_ you're not real."

He turned and walked past Roy, placing a hand on his shoulder. Roy didn't look away from the mirror. "Thank, Mustang."

Roy didn't look at Ed, or watch him leave. He only knew of Ed's exit because of the hollow footfalls of his metal leg. No, his eyes were trained on the mirror, staring at the spot where Ed had been staring at; looking at a person that Roy couldn't see. And he wondered, distantly, if Ed's 'hallucinations' were such a bad thing, despite his haggard appearance and how he was falling apart at the seams.

Because when Ed had touched him – when he had put his hand on his shoulder and said goodbye – Roy could've sworn that, in the mirror, he'd seen a man with dark hair, a scruffy beard, and glasses smiling at him sadly.


End file.
